Discovering ...

Last night I made Deng-jchang chigee (a Korean -- and much more vibrant -- version of miso soup) for the first time ever, and, I must say, aside from not quite being as robust as I would have liked, it was almost just right. It was basically (in order of putting them in the pot): water, potatoes, dried shitake mushrooms, one of those weird pieces of flavoring seaweed, tofu, deng-jchang (miso), garlic, ginger, onions, some pepper, and fresh spinach.

I remember thinking before I came home this time that I would make an effort to -- in a weird way -- get closer to my mother. By "in a weird way," I mean via what could be the only means possible: food. I imagined myself going to her at some point and asking her not to show me how she makes all of the things that are not necessarily my favorites, but the quintessential Korean dishes of home.

...

This is the second time my mother has disappeared since I've been back. I don't know where she went last time, or this time. Both have been days-long stints away from home without having told me where she'd be.

...

I had a long, uncomfortable discussion with Janice the other night. A lot about depression, self-loathing, "When was the last time you thought about suicide," and ended in two resolutions: 1) that she needs to get some fucking medical insurance and 2) that we should get medicated together, 'cause there's no way we'll do it on our own.

Upon taking some advice, and I started taking St. John's Wart -- not so much out of an interest in holistic what-not but rather to avoid having to go to an actual psychiatrist. We'll see ...

Chris